also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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