I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
