I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
