Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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