The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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