haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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