i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
