Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
