So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
