dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
