ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
