Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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