Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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