You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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