Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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