very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
