If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize