whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
