why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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