question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
