at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
