3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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