hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
