I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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