Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't turn off my feet"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
