Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
