You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
