Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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