bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize