You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
