Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize