A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize