I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
