Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
wow bdsm is so cute
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
