I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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