Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
