oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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