bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
