i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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