I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
