we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
