Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
