Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His nipple licking is glorious
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