seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
