update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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