Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
