I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
