I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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