If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
