the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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