ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
