i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize