My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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