So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
