I smell stomach acid.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
