I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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