1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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