Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
