I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I stole a fireplace last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
