when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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