Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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