**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize