me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
