Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
