I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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