in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i think im in europe. pls send help
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
