apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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