my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Where did you get a picture of my penis
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
