I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
