He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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