so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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