You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
